I have a memory. I was younger. I was walking past the home economic class rooms just underneath the science block by the stairs. The carpet was deep blue, almost teal. The kind thats hard wearing and coarse. The walls where cream and the fluorescent lighting gave everything a yellow colour cast. I cant remember what the date was that day or if the sun was shinning but what i do remember is feeling two opposing emotions at the same time.....and i was scared.
You see, when i was even younger things where simple. I was allways in one state. Depending upon what emotional state i was in i could do something to rectify it, if it was a negative one. Act to prolong it if it was a positive one. I was a child of causality. The times where simple. If i was wrong, i was sorry. If i was right i stood my ground. If i was embarrased i became shy etc etc
That day was the beginning of my first days of uncertainty. People like to understand things. Its almost a need. They need to tag and label aswell to understand how a particular object interfaces with others around it. To comprehend its context. Things are black and white. Good or bad. Right or wrong. Thats when people start to describe things by thier function. Start to become reductionists.
Im 24 years old and i spend most of my days trying to understand what this so called thing is that they call a man. The problem occurs when forces outside of my control force me to choose particular routes that cause me to take both a positive and a negative action at the same time. I can be both villain and hero both simultaneously. This duality causes confusion. This duality causes grey in a black and white world.
“If the whole universe has no meaning, we should never have found out that it has no meaning: just as, if there were no light in the universe and therefore no creatures with eyes, we should never know it was dark. Dark would be without meaning.”